Saturday, 23 May 2009

Exam Time. How much do you know?

UK GCSE Test Paper: Current Affairs, Paper One. (2009)
Time allowed: About three years.
( All candidates must finish what they are doing by 2012)
(Note: Candidates failing to answer all the questions within the time allowed will be forced to spend their entire lives in a fascist prison society without hope of remission).
Engage what tiny amount of brain you have and think, if you can.
Question 1: (20 marks)
The “war on terror” has caused how many deaths in Afghanistan, Iraq, and now Pakistan? Discuss.
(OK these people are rag-heads and want to kill all of us , right? So it doesn’t matter if we kill lots of them, right? Anyway, they started it, right?)
Advice to candidates:
Before answering question 1 ensure you have a good grasp of the figures involved and be prepared to argue that one white person killed in New York is worth 1,000 brown babies killed in an A-rab country.
Extra marks will be awarded if you can supplement your written answer with pictures of dead babies in Iraq, Afghanistan or Gaza.
A bonus of 10 points will be given if you can hypothesise a good reason for the invasion of Iran other than the tired old “weapons of mass destruction” excuse.
(Note: If your reason for the invasion of ,or any attack on Iran is a good one , such that the public might believe it, be aware that the copyright to such an idea is ceded to the governments of Israel and the USA without prejudice nor compensation)
Question 2: OK, weed head: Take 50,000 of the world’s best scientists and 5 billion dollars per annum, put them in a room for 20 years and ask them to find a cure for cancer. Do you think they could?
Advice to candidates: Before answering this question, you may wish to consider the profitability disparity between finding a treatment and finding a cure. Candidates should also ignore any “cures” which are cheap and easy to administer, as these are essentially unprofitable. Marks will be deducted for candidates who refer to cannabis oil, sodium bicarbonate, chlorine dioxide or any other proven treatment that is inexpensive.
Question 3:
“ Democracy is a really good thing. Without democracy, we wouldn’t be able to run the world. As far as systems go, democracy is a much easier way to control the herd than fascism or communism. You see, with democracy the idiots think they’re in charge! It really makes us laugh! We make sure that the politicians of all the parties are in our pockets and have their snouts in the trough of greed. We run things, they do as they‘re told. Ha ha ha”
a) To what extent is it true that voters are “the herd” or “the idiots” ?
b) How many people that voted at the last election considered the number of brown babies murdered in the middle east was1) too many. 2) not enough 3) what babies?

Question 4:
Which internationally revered elder statesman and Nobel peace prize winner said:
“ George Bush and Tony Blair enjoyed many moments of ecstasy together. They like to kill, they like to laugh about killing, they like to laugh about how much money they are making from killing, they like to measure their dicks one against the other, they like to do each other in front of a picture of Lucifer. That’s the sort of down-home boys they are, and Obumma ain’t no different”
Was it:
a) HRH the Queen Elizabeth 11?
b) Alex Jones?
c) Olive Farmer?


  1. "The propagandist's purpose is to make one set of people forget that certain other sets of people are human". Aldous Huxley

    "Most ignorance is vincible ignorance. We don't know because we don't want to know". Aldous Huxley

    "Why does the Air Force need expensive new bombers? Have the people we've been bombing over the years been complaining?"
    George Wallace

    "A government that is big enough to give you all you want is big enough to take it all away". Barry Goldwater

    Perhaps these may be 'hints' on the multiple choice questions. Those were the days.

  2. When are you going to post the answers so I can see if I pass?

    Are we at war with someone? I thought we were just freeing the world from terrorists n stuff.

    Isn't that bin Laid guy the one who sold Jesus out to the Romans?