I guess what you are involved in is a search for the creator and an understanding of this reality from an understanding of the building blocks your consciousness perceives, formulated into some sort of governing "program". You seek the mind of the creator and the hands that shape reality, the tools employed, the method and the principles. You begin with clues left for us in ancient understandings, in the often mysterious pronouncements and difficult to see through mind-pictures they conjured. Your path is looking at Grammar, at the spoken word (in the beginning was the word and the word was light), others seek this same answer through sacred geometry, through proportion, through numbers. Some now seek it at the very edges of science and mathematics. The geneticists in their computer coded life shaping miracles, the quantum and chaos physicists and mathematicians in their understanding of the relationship between consciousness and the atom and the "other" force which binds the whole and makes what is almost nothing become what is.
For what it's worth, where I am on all of this is as follows:
1. I understand that once you extract the space from atoms the entire human race could fit into an apple, or a similar sized box.
2. I understand that what seems solid is nothing of the sort. We cannot touch solidity, but only sense the repulsion of "our" atoms by the atoms of the "thing" we are touching.
3. I understand that we humans can shape reality. We can plant trees or burn them, we can shape stone to build or throw stones to kill, we can make colours and create wonders of art or use them to make flags that are symbols of division and represent a history of battle. We do shape reality, but there are those amongst us that control that activity and cause us to shape destruction and hatred rather than creation and love.
I suppose what I'm saying is this:
Whatever the nature of this reality, whatever the nature of the creator, whatever the place and substance of the consciousnesses that experience what we think of as life, I believe there is a purpose to this experience.
The creator placed us in this bubble and gave us free will. I guess then it also gave us the yin and yang of good and evil, the ability to shape a reality that is good or the ability to shape a reality that is evil. We are born of love and are creatures of love when born. The test we each face is what we do with our free will when faced with the choices we can make in a reality that is ruled over by the evil we understand.
I think this is not, however, an individual thing. Making oneself a perfect creature of love, living in balance with creation, doing no harm is not enough. Achieved by the 'self' it becomes an act of self, an introspection, an act of navel gazing.
As what is I believe "the game" for want of a better description draws to a juncture I believe the test is to do with the entirety of humanity and what we collectively do with our free will and as custodians of the beauteous reality we have been gifted to shape and form.
As you witness, we are losing. The good we are born to be becomes the evil we all live, driven and herded by the evil force sent to test our will by the creator.
The creator is seeing how we do, and up to now we do badly as our consciousness as a species has been hijacked by the creators of the false reality and as a species we live in a state of almost absolute sin.
This I guess is why I don't look for the nature of the creator but rather look for what the creator expects of us as a species that is capable of shaping the reality we have been given. I know that humanity could build a world of wonder, and weep that we are so distracted from that objective that we create a world of horror, unpicking and destroying the creation that is all we have.
I believe that we live in a time of choice, a great turning point, a "game over" kind of place, but I also know that we have always lived in such a time, that the turning in the road ahead has always been there for us, that we could always have chosen to live with love, that we have the free will collectively and at any time to choose to abandon what "IS" and recreate a world that "WILL BE" based on the simple and understandable principle of love from which all good things flow.
I understand for that to happen will require the conscious choice of almost all of us, for unless we do this together the structures and beliefs of the past, shaped and formed by the power of evil, will draw us back and pull us away from our objective. It then becomes an act of belief: Do we believe we can live as one tribe? Do we believe we can abandon money and replace it with sharing and duty? Do we trust each other enough to try? Do we have the strength of will to draw away from religion and instead be drawn towards the will of the creator expressed as love?
At stake is the future and the nature of the place we would all like to live.
At stake also are our collective souls, the creatures of love we are all born that are so mis-shapen by the forces that currently control this reality.
I guess this is why I ignore detail and don't seek the deep answers you seek and the understandings you are searching for, because I live for the future we might make, and dream of the reality we might create, being masters of this reality and able to shape whatever future we desire.
Being a father and grandfather and teacher I have to do this thing, or at least to keep trying, because that is all there is.
Love to you,